heartbreak feelings

once upon a time
i was recently divorced
and i thought i’d be ok with it
but i took it very hard
discovering latent emotions
i didn’t know i had

at my lowest moment
my children and i discovered a kitten
half buried in the snow
nearly chilled frozen
by the prairie blizzard gales

we took him in
i wrote about this once, “feline explanatory”
it’s in stoneskrit
i really should make that available to you
someday soon..

anyways this cat lived 14 years
if cats have 7* lives
i guess that made him 98 in cat years
he was my very best friend
got me through some super tough times
he always loved me
and made my heart glad

long story short
he developed an incurable illness
i nursed him along as long as i could
vet bills be damned
and when the vet bills got too high
and the vet doctor expressed doubts
i took matters into my own hands
practiced my hippie-dippie bullshit
and extended my friend’s life
a couple of extra weeks

it was a rough end though
he had a stroke, paralysis
dragging his back legs around
mewling, crying
choking up blood
tongue stuck out in some death pose
squirming around on the cold tile floor
panting as he clung to life
and i had to make the ultimate decision
to give him the long sleep
as much as i loved him
i had to let him go
it was the humane thing to do

an odd synchronicity expressed itself
i was enraged
i was heartbroken
i was astonished
i was calm

appointments for an important life exam
and for the time of injection death
were the exact same time

i missed watching the life pass his eyes
my daughters were there
they said he looked relieved, thankful

i dug a grave
in the pouring rain
hammering past ancient rocks and roots
gouging out his final physical home
we all cried as we dropped his body in
as i piled the dirt back on top
as i rolled up the heavy stones
as i decorated his grave
with a piece of arcane driftwood

he would have liked it there
he used to sit on that flat rock in the sunshine
flicking his tail with exaggerated disinterest

i’m going to miss him
that furry friend fellow
safe travels, buddy
hope i see you again someday
past that velvet black
content within the golden bright